Why do I never have "normal" dreams?
OK probably a really stupid question because dreams are never, by and large, normal. But rather than having fun, scary, or whatever dreams, I always have dreams that make me wake up thinking "what the bloody hell have I been smoking?"
Take what I just woke up from. I had two last night. The first involved me and my dad going on a jet that was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside. On the outside it was one of those executive Lear jets...

...while on the inside it was like 747 huge. Anyway, I think we were going to America, and then the plane just stopped working in mid-air and it fell to the ground, then it hit the ground, BOUNCED, and landed on it's roof in a desert. Cut to outside where it's now me and my mum now, my dad has disappeared, the plane is the right side up and we're pushing it down a mountain (still in the desert, no snow or anything) in order for it to get enough speed so it can get in the air again. We then cling on to dear life until we fly past the Statue of Liberty.
So I wake up, think "what?" then go back to bed, only to have another dream.
This time it's about a cartoon tortoise, and he's in a race with other animals, and he's making quite good head way. Then of course being a tortoise he gets passed by another animal, a cheetah I believe, possibly a rabbit, the tortoise is obviously annoyed by this. Cut to a little later where the tortoise knocks on the door to his mother's home, hands a load of paper/money, and walks in. The rabbit/cheetah from earlier is saying "it's disappointing", the tortoises mum ask what is, when they're suddenly joined by a female mouse who is a journalist (I know this because she has a glasses and a notebook...apparently) says that the tortoise won the race, but because he's a tortoise everyone thinks he cheated unless he proves otherwise. Later the mother tortoise talks to her son, who is watching a film on TV, about it. He explains how he run, it was the swimming section of the race (why did it have a swimming section, was it a triathlon? why did I not dream about a bike bit!?) and the tortoise was using it's natural tears from it's eyes which they use in order to protect their eyes and see underwater, to...I dunno, lower the "water resistance" in the water and by creating a bubble of tears around it's entire body it was able to swim faster and win the entire race.
This made perfect sense.
Seriously, why do I always have these weird as fuck dreams that cause me to wake up and question my subconscious? Do tortoises even have fucking tear ducts? I DON'T KNOW!
EDIT: According to a quick google search they do.